I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I looked at my own cervix.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Found your dick twin last night
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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