you're like a bully in the Christmas story
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
