i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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