I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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