Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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