This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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