I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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