In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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