haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
we're so committed to being not committed
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
