let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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