it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize