actually, I'm a sock model
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
