they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
