There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
