someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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