just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
