i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize