Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
