Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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