if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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