we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
