Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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