All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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