I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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