3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
