im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We named our party play list daddy issues
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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