drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
kristin has been a bad kristin
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
