Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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