if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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