that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
