I'm going to jail i love you
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
