rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
