Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
