Will you blow on my dice?
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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