Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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