Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Is Oprah even human
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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