I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize