Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
