then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
