oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
