bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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