Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
