Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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