i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
