You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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