I am full of burrito and curiosity
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
