walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
