In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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