When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
