Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
