Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
