We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i will never coherently bang her
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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