You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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