Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
