I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
