i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
