Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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