I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
they're like a gay fantastic four
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
