the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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