oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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