Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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