How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
