I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
